Sweetest Downfall
by neldluva
Summary: Is it really such a bad thing to get involved with someone who was once your enemy? And what if you just can’t let go of your past? CloudElena, implied past CloudTifa, onesided ElenaTseng, past ZackCloud. Warning for explicit sexual acts.
1. Chapter 1

Cloud sighed into his drink. It was late, probably too late for any sane person to be out and about, but as Cloud was fond of reminding himself, he was far from sane. At least there was no one left to worry about whether or not he kept his bedtime.

"You said it."

At first Cloud assumed it was a voice from inside his head, or maybe Aerith, though that would be the same thing. Then he saw a flash of blond in his peripheral vision that wasn't his own hair. He looked directly at the only other person in the bar, and even then it took him a few beats to recognize her.

"Elena?" he asked, still surprised. He had never seen her out of her Turk uniform, and when dressed in civilian clothes she looked downright normal. She could have been any young woman off the streets.

"I wondered if you would recognize me, Strife." She sipped at her own drink, smiling a little. "What are you doing all the way out here so late? I would have thought you'd prefer the Seventh Heaven and Tifa's company."

A frown passed over Cloud's face, and he had more of his drink to cover his discomfort. Tifa was a close friend, but…

"I'm sorry, it's none of my business, is it?" A pale blush settled over Elena's cheeks. "I'm just surprised to see you so far out of your way. And it is really late. I thought I'd be all alone here tonight."

"Not on the clock?" Cloud asked, just to clarify. He'd learned that Turks were less dangerous, to him at least, if they weren't being paid to carry their weapons.

"No, I have tomorrow off. That's why I'm here at … is it 2 already?" She blinked at her watch disbelievingly. "Time flies, doesn't it?"

"Yes," Cloud agreed quietly. He didn't comment as she moved to the seat next to him at the bar. If she liked someone around while she was drinking, he wouldn't deny it to her, but he wasn't good company at the best of times and knew it.

"Hmm," she sighed as she slid into her seat, gesturing for another drink.

Cloud happened to glance down and see what she was drinking. "I hope you don't have to drive home tonight," he muttered, sipping his own.

She chuckled and crossed her legs. "Trust me, I can handle it. If you go out drinking enough with Reno, you learn to handle anything."

"Hmm."

She let comfortable silence stretch for a good long time, her finger circling the rim of her glass. It made Cloud wonder, for a moment, what Turks actually did in their off time. He was used to thinking of them as Turks, 24/7, ready to attack at any time. If he hadn't known better, he would have thought so much of Elena. But unlike most other people, her presence didn't get on his nerves. It felt, almost, like spending time with Vincent, only more perfume-scented and less intimidating.

"I would never have thought we'd end up here, Strife," she said quietly, breaking the silence. "You and me, alone in a bar, sitting companionably over our drinks. You were my enemy, once."

"There was a time when I would have killed you sooner than share space," Cloud replied, realizing belatedly that he had probably spoken with too much honesty.

Elena was unfazed. "I would have killed you, too, given the chance." Her stormcloud eyes glittered in a smile. "Does that mean you won't try to kill me tonight?"

Cloud shook his head slightly and took another healthy swallow. "Not if you're off-duty, Turk."

"Glad to see we're maintaining a healthy relationship, Strife." Her voice was dry, cynical, and she gestured for another glass.

Cloud watched uncertainly. He was not at all inclined to be concerned about the safety of a Turk, but he knew Elena had to be getting pretty drunk. "Seriously. Do you have to drive home tonight?"

Elena looked at him, slightly surprised. "What, you're offering to drive me back if I'm incapacitated?"

Cloud shrugged uncomfortably. He hadn't meant to insinuate that, but … well, it would really rest on his conscience if she drove off and got in an accident because he hadn't offered. So he nodded.

Elena snorted and jabbed his arm with her elbow. "Thanks, but no thanks, Strife. You're sweet to offer, but I can take care of myself."

Cloud didn't doubt that one bit. He'd caught a flash of a shoulder holster beneath her coat, and he had fought Elena enough that he knew she was capable in that regard. The offer must have been camaraderie borne of drinking alone in a bar with her.

The silence stretched a little longer. The bartender was starting to stare pointedly at them, clearly wanting to close up shop and go home, and Cloud was starting to consider leaving. Unfortunately, he knew he would get no sleep that night. The memories had been particularly heavy lately.

"I never thought we would end up here either," he said at last. "I've had … a tumultuous relationship with ShinRa. I never expected to come to speaking terms with one of his Turks."

Elena chuckled, her bright hair sliding into her eyes. "We do have a fearsome reputation, don't we? But I'm not the scary Turk, you know."

"I know," Cloud replied, a smile twitching at his lips. "No, you certainly don't look scary. Though I think I know you better by now."

"Don't fool yourself, Strife," Elena said, her voice still laughing. "You know nothing about me."

"So tell me something," Cloud said, lulled by the late night and the semi-decent alcohol into actual curiosity.

Elena looked started, as though she hadn't expected the request. "What?"

"It's late, we're both getting drunk, we're alone in a bar. Tell me something about yourself. I really don't know much about you."

She thought for a moment, looking down at the drink cradled in her hands. They had both lost count of how many they'd consumed, though Elena was feeling the effects more strongly. "Well, I don't even know what to say…"

"Favorite color." Cloud watched her evenly, steadfastly ignoring the bartender.

Elena lifted a fingernail to her mouth, chewing a little. "Purple. Does that sound too girly? I guess it is, but I've always liked purple. Lavender."

"Hmm," Cloud supplied, turning over the information in his head.

"Now you."

"What?" Cloud sputtered.

"What's your favorite color?" Elena's eyes glittered a little more, and she leaned in close enough that Cloud caught a good whiff of her perfume. Lilies.

"Blue," he answered, looking away from her eyes. "I like blue."

At last, the bartender had had enough, and slapped his rag down between them. "Look. It's three in the morning. Why don't you two continue this conversation somewhere else and let me get to bed, huh?"

"Right," Cloud said, standing hastily and paying his tab. "Uh, right. I can give you a ride?"

Elena looked stubborn and likely to protest until she stood and her legs wobbled. "Maybe I should," she agreed quietly, laying down her own money. "I'll get my car tomorrow."

"Yeah," Cloud said, waiting until he heard her footsteps before starting for the door. His breath frosted in the cold winter air, and he saw her stick her hands in the pockets of her coat. His boots crunched on the gravel as he led the way to his motorcycle, nudging up the kickstand and climbing on. Her warm weight settled behind him, and he felt her fumble for a moment before deciding to put her hands around his waist and rest her cheek on his back. He started the engine and peeled out of the parking lot, following her mumbled directions to an apartment complex.

She climbed off the bike, still unsteady on her feet and patting down her coat for her keys. "You can come in!" she called as he watched from the safety of his bike. "Unless you have to go somewhere…"

His mouth wrenched bitterly. He thought of the cot he had set up at the church, lonely among the flowers. He thought of his dusty room above Seventh Heaven, a place he seldom visited anymore. So he followed her up. A glass of water would be nice, after all…

Cloud never actually got his glass of water. He followed Elena into her kitchen, even watched her pour it, but it sat forgotten on the counter.

They never could figure out who made the first move. Cloud just knew he was suddenly surrounded by the scent of lilies, feeling Elena's hot mouth open beneath his, teasing him inside. He held her slender shoulders, slid one hand up behind her head to pull her in closer, and felt her put her arms around his neck to do the same. The kiss was hot and wet and a little awkward, because Cloud couldn't quite remember what exactly to do with his tongue, but fortunately Elena noticed and took over.

Somehow, they managed to stumble down the short hallway to her bedroom and fell, almost like it was an accident, onto her bed. Cloud groaned and Elena gasped, the both of them fighting with their clothing and the urgent need to have it all off. She twisted her head out of the kiss, struggling with her jeans and yanking them down while Cloud pulled her shirt up and massaged her breasts through her bra. She wasn't huge like Tifa was, just a nice firm handful that made him gasp and ache.

Her hands scrambled at the buckle that held his sword on his back, but it was too heavy for her to remove by herself. He sat back on his knees and unbuckled the sword, letting it drop carefully by the bed before he peeled off his sweater.

While he was busy with that, she had pulled off her own shirt and unhooked her bra. She gazed up at him with her stormcloud eyes, smirking a little as she hooked her fingers at the waistband of her panties and pulled down. Cloud's mouth dropped open slightly, and he leaned down for another kiss. She pulled him in closer, sliding her hands appreciatively up and down his back and into his pants.

It took a little more maneuvering to get the heavy fabric of Cloud's pants off, mostly because they also had to remove his boots. At last, they were both naked and pressed close. Elena scratched her short nails over Cloud's shoulders and reached between them, stroking him a few times and putting her legs around his waist.

Cloud gasped and bowed his head, resting his cheek against hers and following her guidance. She made a small moaning noise that sounded a little like his name, and his hips jerked forward until he was enveloped in hot and wet. Unsure with what to do with his hands, he placed one on the bed and the other on her breast, massaging and twisting a little at her nipple. Fortunately, the rest of his movement seemed to be instinctually programmed or remembered.

She seemed to like it well enough, her breath hitching as he moved and moans starting in her throat. She kept scratching at his back, which felt oddly nice, and moved her hand down between them again. She touched herself, and Cloud felt her knees go tight around him and her moans go high-pitched and breathy.

He began to lose his rhythm and relocated one hand to her thigh, holding tightly to keep her in place. She got louder and her nails scratched harder, and all of a sudden she shouted and locked her thighs around him again. He thrust more, as much movement as he was allowed, and felt the tension in his stomach uncoil in a long, glorious wave. He might have moaned, felt Elena stroke down the spikes of his hair, kissed the salt sweat from her neck.

It took a few moments of recovery, but they eventually separated and pulled the blankets up. Cloud settled warmly against Elena's back, his nose buried in her blonde hair and smelling her perfume and making sure she stayed close with a hand around her waist. Like that, they fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

When Cloud awoke, he smelled lilies. "Aerith?" he muttered hazily, not opening his eyes. He always associated the smell of flowers with her.

Upon further inspection, though, the lily scent was threaded with gunpowder and lead as though it was attempting to mask the latter two. Cloud wrinkled his nose and pulled away a little from the warm body in front of him. He opened his eyes at last, and his stomach turned over a little when all he saw was blonde.

"Hmm," Elena sighed, reaching down to hold Cloud's hand tighter around her waist and keep him from moving. "Not yet…"

So Cloud settled back, his shoulders still tense. He remembered the night before too well – randomly meeting Elena at the bar, losing count of their drinks, ending up in her bed. He shut his eyes, feeling a little lost. He didn't even know her, and she worked and killed for a man he just barely tolerated. He could think of a long list of reasons why it was a bad idea to be curled up with her in bed.

She sighed again and shifted back against him, tilting her face against the pillow. Cloud's stomach flipped again, but not in horror. There was one very good reason to be curled up with her in bed.

At last, she woke up, turning onto her back and putting a hand to her forehead. "Fuck," she muttered, wincing, and pushed herself up. "Fuck. Okay. Not getting shitfaced again." She looked blearily down at him and frowned slightly. "Oh. Right. Good morning."

"Morning," Cloud muttered in reply, fighting back a blush. Clearly, Elena wasn't all that pleased to see him.

"Okay, I've gotta get some aspirin and food," she said, tossing the blankets off and wandering towards her set of drawers. Cloud couldn't help but watch appreciatively, noting the bruises on her hips and thighs and the lovebite on her neck. They must have been rougher than he remembered.

He was shaken from his reverie when she tossed a pair of sweatpants at him, already dressed in a loose shirt and pants. "Get dressed, I'll get us some food." She stumbled out of the room towards the bathroom.

Cloud rolled out of bed and stretched a little. He felt sore from the night before, and he had a few lovebites and bruises of his own. He pulled on the borrowed sweatpants and rummaged through a drawer for a t-shirt. He blushed a little, trying not to notice the bras and panties he dug through before he found a reasonably sized shirt with some kind of cartoon on the front. He exited the room just as Elena left the bathroom, and stepped inside as she gestured at it.

It was quite an impressive lovebite on his neck, as Cloud found when he inspected it in the mirror. It was probably fortunate the collar of his sweater would cover it up so he could avoid awkward questions. He didn't even want to think of the fit Tifa would throw if she found out. With a quiet sigh, he moved over to the toilet and took care of that business. As the toilet flushed, he couldn't help but look around Elena's bathroom. It was fairly spare, without the extensive caretaking supplies that most women had. It was all he'd expected of a Turk, though. There was a small bottle of perfume that, when open, smelled of the lilies that masked the scent of her guns.

Finished in the bathroom, he followed the smell of coffee back to her kitchen. She raised an eyebrow at the t-shirt he wore, but handed him a mug and gestured for him to sit. "There's toast in the toaster," she said matter-of-factly. "I don't have much in the way of food here, I hope you don't mind."

"No, it's fine," he replied, sipping at the coffee and trying not to feel awkward. After all, he'd slept with this woman. They should be able to have a civilized conversation. "The coffee's good."

Elena nodded and shrugged. "You'd get good coffee too if you had to deal with what I deal with every morning at 8 am. This is what gets me through my day."

"Ah," Cloud commented.

Fortunately, the toast popped, saving them from conversation for a few more minutes. Elena stood up to get it, putting a slice on each plate and collecting butter and jam from the refrigerator. She put some butter on her own slice and took a bite, leaving Cloud to fix his own.

"So, last night," she said, breaking the silence after Cloud was halfway done with his toast. "That was –"

"I'm sorry," Cloud said suddenly, not meeting her eyes.

Elena smiled with amusement. "Don't be. We got a little drunk and we fucked around. It was consensual and sort of fun, or at least a distraction. Don't get so worried about it, Strife."

"You called me Cloud last night," he said, looking up at her hesitantly.

She met his eyes, watching him. "Cloud," she corrected, finishing off her coffee. "So, were you a virgin?"

Cloud nearly choked on his toast and spent a moment coughing before he could speak. "A what? No, of course not! Why would think I am … was…"

"For Shiva's sake, it was just a question. I was just wondering. You just … didn't seem very experienced last night." She looked at her plate, picking up some crumbs. "I don't know how I'd feel if I was your first."

"Well, you weren't," Cloud said, a little more sharply than he'd intended.

"You seem to be making a big deal out of this, Strife – er, Cloud. It was just fucking. Everyone does it, even you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't have some kind of weird idea about a relationship, do you? It would never happen. You and me … we're too different. So it was just fucking, and we'll move on, right?"

Cloud stared across the room, turning her words over in his head. Perhaps it was just the good ol' boy from Nibelheim speaking, but he had some sort of vague chivalrous need to actually have a relationship with a girl he slept with. Maybe he couldn't do what Elena was asking and treat this like it was nothing, like it was just sex. But it had been just sex, and he really didn't need a girlfriend right now, let alone a Turk who was more than likely to turn on him and possibly shoot him.

"You're thinking way too hard about this, Cloud," Elena pointed out. "How about this. I don't _want_ a relationship with you, okay? You're not my type. And I know I'm not yours."

"Elena … it doesn't work like this," Cloud protested. "I feel responsible."

"Don't be an idiot, I'm just as responsible as you are. I was the one knocking back the drinks like there was no tomorrow."

"No, I mean…" He ran his hand through his hair. "Okay, we just had sex. But there has to be something else. I can't just say, 'Hey, babe, thanks for the lay, hope you have a good life,' okay? I'm not like that."

Elena stared at him again, just watching him. "Well, what else do you want?"

"I don't know. You've been right about all of this, I'm not really looking for a relationship, but…"

They both sighed, and Elena ran her hand through her mussed hair. "Yeah, we probably shouldn't have fucked," she admitted. "But we did, and we can't change that, so we just have to deal with it."

"I know."

"You really had no idea what you were doing last night, did you? When was the last time you got laid?"

"It's been a few years," Cloud said quietly. "I was with Tifa briefly, but…" He made a vague gesture. It wasn't really something he wanted to dwell on.

Elena laughed lightly, her eyes sparkling. "No wonder you didn't know what to do! I'm nothing at all like Tifa."

"You really aren't," Cloud agreed, smiling just a little.

"You know, over at ShinRa there's a pool going about whether or not you're getting anything from Tifa … I guess I won." She smiled a little wider. "So, is she your type?"

"No, not really," Cloud said honestly. "I guess that's why we didn't last."

"I guess not," Elena said, still staring thoughtfully at him. "Well. Would you like to shower? I bet your day is nice and busy…"

"I wouldn't want to intrude on your day off anyway," Cloud replied. "A shower would be nice. You don't mind?"

"Of course not. Go ahead. I won't go anywhere … I need a ride back to the bar to pick up my car."

"Right. Then … uh, I won't take long."

* * *

As promised, Cloud was in and out of the shower quickly. It felt strange to bathe in a shower that wasn't his own, one that belonged to a female Turk he hardly knew. He didn't do much more than rinse off – it would have been even stranger to start using her shampoo.

She was dressed and ready to go when he exited the bathroom, so he dressed quickly and left his hair to dry in its natural unruly spikes. His sword had been undisturbed, but he spared a moment to check it over before strapping it back on.

"Okay," he announced. "I'm ready."

"Good," she said with a small smile, leading him to the door.

Cloud was about to leave the apartment when something occurred to him, and he frowned a little in thought. "Elena. I … I don't think we used protection last night."

"Don't worry," she said reassuringly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm on the pill, I've had a checkup recently, and with all that mako in you I know there's nothing I can catch. But if it makes you feel better, I'll take a morning-after pill."

Cloud nodded a little and continued down to his bike. His worries were lifted slightly. If Elena ended up pregnant – well, he couldn't even allow his thoughts to continue down that path. As bad of an idea as a relationship was for him at the moment, kids would be even worse. So he refused to dwell on that as he drove them both back to the bar, appreciating her warm, solid weight against his back. He was almost disappointed to have her dismount and walk to her car.

"It was a good time, Cloud," she said to him as she leaned against the driver's side door. "Thank you. Maybe we'll cross paths again."

"Yeah," he said, casting his eyes down. "I hope so. Thank you, Elena."

She smiled one last time, waved a little at him, and got in her car to drive away. He watched her leave, his thoughts tumultuous and confused. When she was out of sight, he started up Fenrir and peeled out of the parking lot, his destination clear in his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

The wheels of the bike kicked up dust on the hills of the wasteland surrounding Midgar. Cloud killed the engine as he approached the sword stuck in the ground. It wasn't the memorial Zack deserved, but it had been the best he could do. He climbed off Fenrir and stood beside the rusting buster sword, a quiet sigh escaping his lips as he righted it in the ground.

"I know what you would do," he murmured, stroking the hilt. "I just don't know if I can."

_Asking for advice with the ladies, Sunshine?_

"Zack," Cloud whispered, blinking as the world around him dissolved into fields of white and a tall, muscular presence materialized against his back. He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting so much to turn around but knowing he couldn't or the scene would fade. "Zack … where's Aerith?"

"We decided maybe I should handle this one." Zack shifted against him. "It's been a long time, kid."

"Yeah," Cloud agreed, opening his eyes at last. "I've missed you."

"You've grown up. Gave us quite a show last night."

Cloud gaped a little in astonishment. "You were watching?"

"I'm always watching you, Cloud." Zack's gloved hand found his own, folding their fingers together. "We're friends, right?"

Cloud nodded a little at the familiar question and sighed again. "I don't know what to do, Zack."

"That's my Sunshine, always so nervous when it comes to the girls." Cloud could feel Zack's chuckle vibrate through his back. "She's a pretty one."

"And a Turk."

"Does that matter anymore? I know how you feel about ShinRa … hell, I feel the same way. But it isn't the same. You're not fighting her."

"I have in the past."

"It didn't stop you last night."

"We were drunk."

"And you were both so lonely." Zack's fingers squeezed reassuringly. "There's nothing wrong with this, Sunshine. You're still human. You can't live your life alone."

"Zack, this isn't the right time for a relationship…"

"Just give it one more chance. That's what you want to do anyway, isn't it? And don't worry about me." Zack's fingers squeezed once more. "I'm the past. Maybe it's time to let me go."

"I can't let you go, Zack. I can't…"

"Don't let me ruin another relationship for you, Cloud." Zack's voice sounded a little sad, and Cloud could feel his presence start to fade away. "I'll always be watching you, Sunshine…"

"Zack…" Cloud whispered again, but the wastelands had returned around him, and he was standing alone beside the sword and his bike. He looked down at his hand where Zack had touched him, still feeling his gentle presence. He missed Zack, missed him so much it hurt. He could never forgive himself for letting his best friend die. He had lost half of his heart that day. Aerith's death had only made it worse. The guilt weighed down, crushing him, stretching his days into long sequences of torture.

Still, Zack was right. The previous night he had gone to the bar, seeking to escape the guilt, and when he was with Elena he wasn't as preoccupied about his past … mostly because he was preoccupied with the fact that she was a Turk. What could one try hurt? They would probably go out, find out they hated each other, and separate completely. Because, as Cloud knew, he was not good company, and he was definitely not Elena's type.

* * *

That afternoon, he knocked on Elena's apartment door. He had spent a few hours wondering what to say, how to say it, how to best follow Zack's advice. He could never understand how Zack was so good with women … it had always seemed so natural, the way they flocked around him like he was some kind of novelty, and he had always been so friendly with them. Maybe Cloud's method of sulking in the corner hadn't been the best idea.

The peephole darkened, and Elena opened the door with a surprised look on her face. "Cloud?" she asked. "Did you forget something?"

"I want to see you again," he said, wanting to get to the point quickly. "Don't shut the door. Please, let me take you out, just once."

"Why?" she asked, leaning in the doorjamb and still looking skeptical. "Cloud, we can't –"

"No, I know," Cloud said, frowning a little. "I told you earlier that I just can't let it go without some closure. So give me one more chance, and let us find out we hate each other before slamming the door, okay? Just one date."

Elena sighed and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I still don't know why, Cloud. And I am pretty busy."

"I know. Just once."

She watched him for a moment before nodding slowly. "Okay. One date. But that's it. And don't take me anywhere fancy, okay? I'll be fine with burgers or something. I'll be free after seven tomorrow. Meet me back here."

Cloud nodded and smiled a little. "Tomorrow it is. I'll pick you up at seven thirty. Don't dress up."


	4. Chapter 4

Cloud took Elena's suggestion and ended up taking her to a burger joint. It had seemed easier than anything that would have required more money or more preparation, and at least they could relax a little more. Elena had removed her suit jacket so she looked a little less like a Turk and watched him over their beers. The both of them were staying away from the hard liquor, not wanting a repeat of the previous night. The food had yet to arrive, so they were left with small talk.

"I really don't know much about you, do I?" Cloud asked. He had taken off his sword, but it rested within arm's reach.

"Not much at all," Elena replied, leaning back in her seat. "But at least you know my favorite color."

"I don't even know your full name. What is your full name?"

She laughed lightly and sipped at her beer, blushing a little. "You know, I don't even remember. As a Turk, my last name was taken away, and I've just been 'Elena' for so long that I don't remember anything else. At least you still have your name."

"That's true," Cloud admitted. "That must be strange to give up your identity like that."

She shrugged a little. "It was necessary. I've always wanted to be a Turk, if only to prove that I am … was … just as good as my sister."

Cloud looked evenly at her. "I don't know anything about your family."

"There's nothing to know," she said bitterly. "They're all dead. My sister, my parents … they were the only ones close enough for me to care about."

"I'm sorry," Cloud said, reaching out and touching her hand. "I know how it feels to lose people close to you."

"I guess that's one thing we have in common, at least." She sipped again at her beer, turning her hand to hold his.

At that point, the food arrived, so he let her go so they could start eating. The burgers were good, and they were silent for a while as they ate.

"These are good," she said after a few bites, licking spilled ketchup from her fingers.

"Hmm," Cloud grunted in agreement, handing over his french fries. He had never liked them much.

The meal ended companionably, to Cloud's surprise. He had expected to find that they were totally incompatible, that she despised him for one reason or another, and to be glad for the date to come to a close. On the contrary, he wanted the night to keep going. He insisted on buying some ice cream for Elena, which they ate outside. The nights were still cold, so she put on her jacket and let Cloud put an arm around her shoulders.

"It's clear tonight," she commented, looking up at the stars. "It'd be nice if it weren't so cold."

"The benefits of mako," Cloud said with a short chuckle. "I very rarely get cold anymore."

"Lucky," Elena said, jabbing him lightly with her elbow and rubbing at her cold nose. "I don't really want this to sound like last night, but do you want to come back to my place? I could do with some warming up … and not in that way."

"Sure, I'll take you home," he replied. True to his word, he drove them back to her apartment. This time, he actually got his glass of water, and she had him sit on the couch with her to drink it. Without the alcohol, it was decidedly more awkward. What they had done stood between them, causing tension and nerves. Cloud couldn't even decide whether or not he wanted it to happen again.

"I had a good time tonight," Elena said, breaking the silence. Her boots were off, feet tucked up underneath her as she sat close. Cloud could smell her perfume. "I didn't expect to have fun, Cloud. You're not my type."

"I know," Cloud said, turning the empty glass over in his hands. "I felt the same way."

She sighed quietly, absently lifting a hand and scratching lightly at his scalp with her nails. It felt entirely too good. "I wish I could remember more of last night," she said. "I mean, I remember it, but not the details."

"Elena…"

"I shouldn't want more of it."

"Neither of us should."

She glanced up at him and away quickly, scratching with her nails again. "I don't know, Cloud."

He was silent for a moment, thinking, before asking, "So … was I bad?"

She tensed a little. "Why would you think you were bad? I didn't say you were bad."

"You asked if I was a virgin." He had to admit, it had ruffled his feathers a little.

"Well … you have to admit, you can't have that much experience," she pointed out carefully. "Not if it's been a few years since Tifa, and who knows how long before that…"

"No, really, what do you mean by that? How should I be more experienced?"

She shifted a little, and he saw her frown. "It's just … nice if … fuck. I had to bring myself off, okay? It usually takes a little more effort than just the fucking to do it. Any guy who's been with enough girls knows this. So I thought you were a virgin."

"I'm sorry," Cloud said, puzzling over this new information. Zack would have known better, Zack would have been able to get Elena off without even being awkward about it. And there was probably yet another reason it hadn't worked out with Tifa. He sighed. "Maybe you should teach me."

"What?" Elena asked, staring up at him and pulling away a little. "Did I hear you correctly?"

Cloud hadn't meant it to come out so bluntly, and he blushed. On second thought, though, why not? "If you don't mind. I mean … if we've both had a good evening, and we're both thinking about sex again, what could one more time hurt? At the very least you could give me some pointers, seeing as how you know so much. I won't push if you don't want to, though."

Elena blinked, considering. She let the silence stretch for a while, during which Cloud regretted even suggesting the idea, but at last she nodded. "Okay. I still don't want a relationship, though."

"Neither do I. Like you said, it's just fucking, right?"

"Right," she said, looking just slightly uncertain. She shifted around, climbing until she was in front of him and not quite in his lap, and pulled him into a deep kiss.

He settled into it … kissing was something he could learn easily, and she was a more than adequate teacher. He ran his hands up and down her back, feeling the lines of her bra through her blouse. He was still somewhat surprised that she was arousing to him … he had never felt any attraction to her before, but now that he knew what he was in for, she was intoxicating.

She broke the kiss to breathe, pressing her hands flat against his chest. "Let's go to the bedroom. It'll be more comfortable there. Gods, I can't believe I'm doing this while I'm sober…"

Cloud didn't have a response to that, following her down the hall again to her bedroom. She had already started to unbutton her blouse, so Cloud started to get undressed as well. He had already taken off his sword, and while it made him a little nervous to have it all the way out near the couch, this took priority. He pulled his sweater up over his head and bent to untie his shoes.

"Someday we'll do this with sexier clothing," Elena said, frustration in her voice as she slid out of her slacks.

"What, there isn't anything sexy about this?" Cloud asked sarcastically, kicking his shoes aside and pulling his socks off. "Anyway, I don't have sexy clothes."

"You might have to fix that eventually." She winked at him, reaching behind her back to unhook her bra and letting it slide to the floor. "Seriously. It does kill the mood a little, doesn't it?"

"It does," he agreed, following her onto the bed. "So, you think we'll do this again?"

"I don't know, Cloud … let's not talk about it. Come here." She pulled him down into another kiss, arching until he felt her breasts touch his chest. She really was nothing like Tifa. On her back, her breasts flattened out into two small mounds.

He touched one breast hesitantly, turning his head from the kiss to watch. Her nipple grew erect against his fingers, and her breathing changed slightly.

"They're … small," she said, cupping the other in her hand. "Nothing to write home about. Reno's always teasing me."

"They're just fine," Cloud said firmly. "Especially for me. To have too much to learn with … it would be strange."

She blushed and brought a hand to her cheek. "Okay. Well … that feels nice. You can do more, you know. Just explore. I'll tell you if I don't like something or want you to stop."

So Cloud took a deep breath and started exploring. He pinched and twisted lightly at her nipple, and that seemed to get a good response. With the breast closer to him he lowered his head and extended his tongue, tasting her. He tasted soap and sweat and her own skin … it was a good combination, and his mouth caused her to make a quiet noise. Encouraged, he explored a little more, determined to find the spots that would illicit sound.

After a while, she had him stop. Her cheeks were pink and her hair was a little mussed, but she was smiling so he figured he had done well. "Think you can do a little more?" she asked, spreading her legs more and watching him. "You can just use your fingers if you want."

Cloud nodded a little, shifting so he was stretched along her side. He rested his head on her shoulder, watching his fingers trail down her stomach towards the neatly-trimmed patch of blonde curls. He touched them lightly and felt her shiver and move her hips up. Responding to the silent request, he started prodding with his fingers.

She was wet to the touch, and a little slippery. Even Cloud's callused fingers couldn't find decent purchase, but she didn't seem to mind. He rubbed, exploring the folds and wrinkles he found.

"Here," she said, her voice husky. She reached down and directed his fingers up a little against a small, hard bit of flesh. She gave a breathy moan and moved against him, shutting her eyes. "There…"

So Cloud rubbed her there, watching her body writhe against his hand. It was incredibly sexy just to watch and listen, hearing her high-pitched noises. Her hand tightened around his wrist, short nails digging in. After a little while he developed a rhythm to stroking her, using her own slick wetness to aid him.

"Cloud," she said, her voice nearly a whimper. She tugged at his hair until he lifted up to kiss her. Having shifted position, her hand was now able to snake down and take hold of his erection.

He made a startled noise into her mouth and jerked a little against her, his own strokes faltering slightly. Her hand felt so good, rough with callous from using her guns but smaller than Zack's had ever been. She stroked him with long, efficient pulls, twisting a little once she reached the head before sliding back down. He moved against her, gasping into her mouth and stroking her harder.

Her cry was muffled against his lips, her body bucking and her thighs closing around his hand. His fingers felt just a little wetter, and that was sexy. His own orgasm was close, and she brought him closer with her faster hand. He twisted away from her, pressing his forehead against the pillow as he moved harder against her, spilling across her hand.

She uncurled her thighs from around Cloud's hand, still panting quietly. She kissed his cheek and brought her hand up, licking off her palm while watching Cloud with hooded eyes. He shuddered once more, but watched with fascination. So _that_ was what people were talking about.

They fell asleep with her back tucked against his chest and his arm warm about her waist.


	5. Chapter 5

The alarm went off at five in the morning. Elena groaned quietly and rolled over enough to slap it off, closing her eyes as she delayed getting out of bed. With a sigh she turned around in Cloud's arms, watching him sleep.

He looked younger than he actually was. It must be the mako. His blond hair cast the shadow of spikes over his face from the light from the clock. She smiled and brushed one spike back out of his eyes.

Under the cover of doing research for a job the day before, she had gone into ShinRa's files and found Cloud's. ShinRa probably knew more about Cloud, in a technical sense, than anyone on the planet. Here were records of birth, details about his life in Nibelheim, information about his parents, and into the future when he had applied for SOLDIER. There were records of what kinds of missions he went on, who his commanding officers were, how he performed on the tests and in training. There was even a folder inside the larger folder about the tests performed on him after he'd been injured by Sephiroth and Hojo had decided to experiment. The most recent information was all about Avalanche and his latest activities. In the past few years, though, he hadn't been the savior of the world or a terrorist against ShinRa, but just a humble delivery boy looking for some meaning.

So she theoretically knew all the facts of Cloud's life. She had filed all of the information away in her memory and reflected on it as she looked at him. For all the facts, though, she had a feeling she was only just beginning to know the real man.

Reluctantly, she peeled away from his embrace and left the bed. He mumbled a little and shifted but didn't wake, for which she was glad. She went about her routine, showering and preparing for work. Cloud slept through it all. She returned to the room to put a note on his pillow and kiss his forehead before she left.

Reno mumbled at her and shoved affectionately when she entered the office – he had never been much of a morning person. Fortunately for them both, Rude was already busy with the coffee, so Elena went to stand with him.

"Good morning," she said, stifling her own yawn. She could never get used to the early hours, and having Cloud keeping her up past her normal bedtime didn't help matters.

"Hmm," Rude answered, as usual. He poured her some coffee and leaned against the counter.

"I see we're all excited to be here," she said sarcastically. She put some sugar in her coffee and leaned beside Rude. "Has Tseng come by with our work for the day?"

"He's still in with the boss," Rude explained.

"Means plenty of paperwork today," Reno grumbled, knocking back his own coffee. "Shit, all we do anymore, all the paperwork…"

"We went out on a mission last week." Rude's voice was calm, trying to settle his partner. Fortunately, it worked, and Reno settled for merely looking defiant. Okay, so it wasn't the good old days anymore. They didn't get the exciting jobs, there weren't that many terrorists to fight or assassins to take out, and compared to how things had been a few years ago, they were downright boring. They still wouldn't trade the Turks and ShinRa for any other job in the world. It was something one was born to and made for.

That, and they were Elena's only family in the world. She had grown closer to her coworkers than she had come to anyone else in years. Reno played the part of annoying older brother, Rude was calm and steady guidance, Rufus gave them all a purpose and someone to follow, and Tseng … well, her relationship with Tseng was a little more complicated. They had been partners since she joined the Turks, but they were even closer now. After what happened at North Crater with the Sephiroth Remnants, she had thought that they would finally cross the last barrier and have the romantic relationship she had been craving for years. Unfortunately for her, even after sharing torture and therefore coming even closer, their relationship had not become romantic. She still harbored her infatuation, foolish and unlikely though it was. At least he let her touch him occasionally, just a pat on the shoulder or sometimes a real hug. It was better than nothing.

She wondered, sometimes, why she was so comfortable with her male coworkers. A few years ago the Turks had been a larger elite force of warriors. They had dwindled now to just the four of them, and Elena was the only female. On her worst days, usually the days right before her period, she was glad she was the only female – at least she avoided any pissy cattiness and competition. Thank goodness the only woman she had to deal with on a regular basis was Rufus's middle-aged secretary. As Turks, the four of them were comfortable, covering the others' weaknesses out of habit because they knew each other so well. And sure, Reno still called her "Rookie" sometimes, but it was all in good fun and Rude usually smacked him for it.

Soon enough, Tseng came down to the Turks' offices with their daily work. It was slow going … Reno had been right, it was mostly paperwork. As glorified bodyguards, they did little else. If Rufus had an important meeting, one of them would go up to look nice and intimidating and to keep things under control just in case the shit hit the fan. But the shit rarely hit the fan anymore. It was enough to make any gunslinger nostalgic.

Tseng seemed to handle it better than the rest of them. He sat calmly in his desk across from hers, going about his work with every pretense of happiness. He had good reason not to want any more excitement, though. The torture had been difficult for the both of them, but Elena was younger, and she knew his accumulation of old wounds pained him sometimes. Not that he would ever show it, but she knew it happened. Once in a while, it occurred to her just how old her coworkers were – not that old for people in general, but for Turks, they were living longer than any of them had expected. Reno ranted about it sometimes.

She sighed and turned her attention back to her work, stretching her legs beneath the desk. For some reason, her thoughts went to Cloud. He was getting older too, even if he didn't show it. At the same time, he seemed better off than any of them. He had made a life for himself outside the warrior he had been. She wondered if maybe, possibly, some of that ability might rub off on her.

* * *

Cloud woke slowly, sighing to himself and reaching up to scratch his nose. The room was still mostly dark, but the clock informed him it was just after eight in the morning. The pillow beside him was lily-scented and had a note on it.

He sat up slowly, ruffling at his hair and yawning. Of course Elena would have gone to work, but he hadn't expected her to leave a note for him. He was also surprised he had slept through her leaving … he was usually a fairly light sleeper. He yawned again and picked up the note.

_Cloud,_

_I didn't want to wake you when I left for work this morning. Help yourself to food, and when you leave, please lock the door._

_If you need to call me for anything, my number is at the bottom. I work late tonight, but maybe we could see each other tomorrow? Or not, if you have something else planned. Give me a call anyway._

_Elena_

He stared at the note for a while. It sounded like she wanted to see him again, and for some reason, he had no problem with it. As they had discovered the previous night at dinner, they liked each other's company even when it didn't involve sex. It made Cloud wonder how long they could keep it "just fucking" before it turned into a real relationship. It was dangerous and probably not smart, no matter what Zack had said. But Cloud was losing the will to argue against it, still warm in her lily-scented bed.

He left the bed and walked to the bathroom. His reflection in the mirror looked ruffled, his hair messier than usual. But for once, he looked well-rested. Maybe the sex was tiring him out for some reason.

Dressed again in borrowed sweats and a t-shirt, he made himself some toast and coffee and sat in her kitchen to eat. It was calm and peaceful to have nothing pressing on him. He could bother to check his messages and see if there were any deliveries for him to make, but that could wait until after he had eaten and gotten away. There was no rush at all.

He took the clothes he had worn with him so he could wash them, and left her a note saying so. He even made the bed, just because it seemed polite. When the apartment was as clean as it would get, he left, making sure to lock the door behind him. As he started up Fenrir, he pondered going back to Zack's sword to see if he would appear again. But he knew that neither Zack nor Aerith would visit him if it only suited his purposes – they had to have a reason as well. So rather than go to Zack's sword, he went back to the church. It was calm and peaceful there as well, which would allow him to think over his situation with Elena.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Sweetest Downfall

Author: Neldluva NC17 overall

Length: more than 25,000 words and counting … this chapter 2564

Pairings: Cloud/Elena, implied past Cloud/Tifa, one-sided Elena/Tseng, past Zack/Cloud, implied Tseng/Rufus (yes, confusing, I know … most of these pairings don't show up until later, and most are only in passing)

Warnings: explicit heterosexual acts including oral, bondage, whatever other kinky things come into my head; hints of homosexual activity

Summary: Is it really such a bad thing to get involved with someone who was once your enemy? And what if you just can't let go of your past?

Author's note: Sorry about so much space in between chapters … I hope you guys can forgive me. I love my fluffy angsty stories.

* * *

At a few minutes to six the next day, Elena had completed her preparations. Grateful to be off early for once, she had rushed home to shower and change. While she told herself it wasn't a date, she wanted Cloud to see her in something a little classier than her suit or jeans. Sadly, it had been a long time since she'd had occasion to buy some nice new clothes. The little black dress would have to work. She kept her makeup light, tasteful, but dark enough to battle her pale coloring. With the additions of a nice pair of heels, unobtrusive earrings, and a warm shawl, she was ready to go. She just hoped Cloud remembered to dress accordingly.

The knock came at six exactly. She stood, straightening the dress and running a hand over her hair, and pulled the door open. She sighed internally with relief; Cloud looked presentable, if slightly out of place, in a nice button-down shirt and slacks.

"Wow," he breathed, his blue eyes going wider as he looked her up and down.

"What?" she asked, fighting nervousness. What if the dress was too much? She pulled the shawl a little tighter on her shoulders.

His eyes met hers again, and she felt another inner sigh of relief. He was smiling, as much as he ever did. "You look amazing."

"You don't look so bad yourself."

He shrugged, holding the door open for her. "It feels strange not to have my sword, but I figured I could go an evening without it."

"I have a gun strapped to my thigh, if it makes you feel better."

He lifted his eyebrows and followed her down the stairs. "I should have expected it. You're one of a kind."

"I'll take that as a compliment." She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked at him. "Do you mind if we take my car? There's no way I can ride your bike in this dress."

"Well, I wouldn't protest, but no, I don't mind if we take your car."

"Good," she said, taking her keys from her purse and unlocking the car. "I'm driving."

"No problem," he said as he climbed in the passenger side. "I probably wouldn't even remember how to drive one of these anyway."

She turned her music off for the drive in case he wanted to talk. He didn't, of course, but the silence wasn't very awkward. She drove them to one of her favorite restaurants, a little seafood place that was out of the way. She didn't get to eat there very often because it wasn't the sort of place one went alone.

They were seated at Elena's favorite table, the one next to the fish tank. The lights illuminated Cloud's hair and turned it neon blue at the tips. She watched him as he looked over the menu, admiring the change in costume. He looked almost normal, sitting there next to the fish.

"What's good?" he asked quietly. "I have no idea what to get."

"You can't go wrong," she replied. "It really depends on your tastes. The tuna is good. I'm getting pasta."

"Hmm," he murmured, staring intently at the menu. He ended up going with the tuna, leaning back in his seat to watch her. "It's easier to order burgers."

She chuckled quietly. "It's worth it, I promise." They had ordered some white wine to accompany their dinner, and she traced her finger around the rim of the glass. "So. This isn't so bad, is it?"

"It's a nice place. And I'm sure the food will be good. I can't remember the last time I went out like this."

"It's nice to have someone to come out here with. Reno won't come with me, he's allergic to shellfish, and Rude and Tseng are always busy."

"We'll have to come more often then." He smiled a little at her, just a little crinkling at the corners of his eyes. "That dress is really amazing."

She blushed a little and looked at the fish. "It was the only thing I had that was appropriate. I haven't bought new clothes in a long time."

Cloud shrugged a little and played with his own glass of wine. Fortunately, the food arrived quickly, so the silence didn't stretch too long. Cloud looked skeptically at his tuna, but at Elena's urging he tried it, and his face lit up. She smiled back and took a bite of her own meal. She had been worried that Cloud wouldn't like the unconventional seafood, but he seemed open to new experiences. The meal passed easily, and once more neither of them wanted the night to end.

At last, Elena suggested they leave. She had to go to work the next morning, no matter how nice the evening was. She also insisted on covering the bill, seeing as how he had paid for her burger the other night. He escorted her back to the car, letting her put her arm through his. In her heels, they were close to the same height, and they matched paces well.

By unspoken agreement, they didn't actually talk about going back to her apartment and what would happen once they were there. The both of them knew anyway, so there was little to discuss. Elena, for one, had found herself a little more excited about sex than she usually was. There was something so inexperienced and innocent about Cloud, and she liked to watch him explore. It was as though he had never seen a woman before. If nothing else, it was flattering.

She was a little surprised when he pressed her up against the closed door as soon as they were in the apartment. Usually she had to make the first move, but she wasn't about to argue. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into the kiss, sighing quietly. His strong hands gently rubbed her sides through the dress, and she felt him start to lift the hem. She smiled into the kiss – the dress had _definitely_ been a good idea.

She directed them back towards the bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt as she went. He had her skirt hiked up and was inspecting where her stockings met the garters that held them up.

"I'll leave them on if you like," she whispered in his ear, pulling his shirt down his shoulders. She heard his breath hitch and felt him nod against her cheek. She reached back, unzipping her dress and pushing it down. Without bothering to take her heels off, she climbed on the bed and struck a pose.

Cloud's mouth dropped a little, and he wasted no time in stripping the rest of his clothes off. She grinned, watching him. Sexy clothes made all the difference … she didn't know why, but for some reason a partially nude woman turned men on much more than a naked woman. Maybe it was the prospect of stripping her completely. In any case, Cloud seemed to like the lacy black bra and little black panties.

"Is it okay if I explore a little more?" he asked, voice husky and hot against her neck. His fingers had already slid into her panties, stroking lightly.

She nodded quickly, lifting her hips a little. "Take them off, it's okay."

Cloud obeyed, sliding the panties down her legs. They caught on her holster, which was still on her left thigh where her stockings ended. He knelt between her spread legs, slowly pulling the elastic band of the holster down as well.

She smiled down at him. "I told you so," she murmured. "So. What are you exploring tonight?"

"Hmm," he sighed, sitting up and stroking her ankle beneath the strap of her shoe. "I have a few ideas. Tell me if I do something wrong, okay?"

"Don't worry, you'll know if I don't like something." She laughed a little as his hand found the ticklish spot on the back of her knee. "Just … try not to rip the stockings."

"I don't intend to." His hands continued exploring her legs through the thin fabric, creating a sensual caress that made her shiver. She shivered a little harder when his lips started tracing the tops of the stockings. She touched his hair lightly, trying to be encouraging. She could tell he was a little nervous with trying something new, so she got comfortable, the spikes of her heels pressing into the bed.

At last, he took a deep breath and lowered his head. She made a quiet noise as she felt the first tentative touch of his tongue, petting his hair again. He tried again with a little more pressure, so she made a little more noise.

"Do you … um, do you remember what we did the other night?" she asked, looking down at him. "Try to do that again, but with your mouth. Or with your fingers, I wouldn't mind that again."

He nodded and ducked his head again. She felt him searching a little before he found her clit, and she gripped his hair hard without meaning to. He grunted quietly but didn't stop with his attentions, and soon she was arching up against him, her moans growing more high-pitched. Once he figured out he was doing, he was_really damn good_ at giving head, and she was surprised to find she wouldn't last much longer.

"Cloud … Cloud, fuck!" she cried, arching up helplessly against her orgasm. He moved with her, holding her hips gently and lapping as she came down from her euphoric high. She sprawled on the bed, trying to slow her pounding heart and regain her breath. "Wow … Cloud, you're sure you haven't done that?"

He shook his head a little, sitting up and wiping his mouth. "I would have remembered," he said, his eyes crinkling in another smile. "That was really sort of amazing."

She blushed and brought her hands to her cheeks, looking away. "Don't look at me like that, gods…"

He settled down beside her, stretching out and stroking down her arm. "I'm serious, it was amazing. I wasn't sure if I would like doing that."

She shrugged a little, rolling so she faced him and kissing down his neck. "Not all guys like it. I don't know if I blame them … but I figure reciprocation is fair."

"But we haven't … Elena!" He opened his eyes wide, gripping her shoulder tightly when she reached down to stroke him.

"I think I can fix that," she said, pushing him onto his back. "Just stay there and let me do this, okay? I promise I know what I'm doing." She kissed her way down his chest, feeling his muscles twitch beneath her lips. For being so strong, his muscles were slender and lean. She had never liked the muscle-bound look, so her hands were appreciative as she stroked down his stomach and hips. She licked at his navel, and he made a quiet huffing noise above her.

His hands settled hesitantly in her hair as she hovered over his erection, her breath washing over him. She smiled reassuringly at him and extended her tongue, taking her first experimental taste. It was good, clean and fresh and just hinting at bitterness. She wasn't in the mood to tease much, so she sucked the first few inches into her mouth, testing out his girth and texture. She slid her tongue around his foreskin, still tasting and exploring. His hands tightened in her hair, and she smiled to herself. No more playing around, then.

She started bobbing her head, taking a little more in with each slide of her mouth. He was large enough that she could feel him touch her throat and there was still room for her hand to work. She glanced up at him; he had one eye partially opened in her direction, the other shut completely, an expression of intense concentration on his face. She backed off for a moment, licking teasingly and reaching back with her hand. She lightly stroked the skin just behind his sac before moving her finger to his ass. She slid down again, swallowing a little and working her finger into him.

He moaned, and she felt him arch a little against her. She continued as she was, twisting her finger gently and sucking a little harder. It was sexy to have him making sounds for her. Her hair fell into her face as she moved, holding his hip with her free hand so he wouldn't move too much. His hands tightened in her hair again, not pushing or pulling but just holding, and she knew he was getting close. She backed off a little, wriggling her tongue against him and her finger inside him at the same time. With another low moan, he arched up more and spilled into her mouth. She swallowed all he had, licking him gently afterwards and removing her finger

Both of his eyes were shut, and his chest was heaving slightly with his breath. She smiled and slid up to him, licking off her lips and touching his cheek. With his pale complexion she could see his flush clearly, and she liked knowing she had caused it.

"Mmm," he sighed again, sliding a hand against the back of her head and pulling her into a kiss. She was surprised, ready to pull away. She could still taste him in her mouth, and she wasn't sure if he would like the taste. But he showed no hesitation, kissing her deeply and thoroughly until she gave in and kissed him back. At last they parted, the both of them a little more breathless and their eyes shining.

"You kissed me," she said, still a little surprised.

"I like kissing you," he replied matter-of-factly.

"I know, but … most guys like me to rinse my mouth first. It's sort of an … acquired taste, you know." She quirked an eyebrow at him. "You didn't mind it?"

He looked away, his features tightening slightly. "No. I didn't mind."

She ran her hand across his chest, feeling sweat and the boyish down of fine hairs. "You've … tasted it before?"

He nodded slightly and sighed. "Yeah."

"Sounds like there's a story here." She brushed lightly at his hair and kissed his shoulder. "Cloud?"

He looked at her for a long moment, judging her, testing her. "Tifa … there was someone before her. Technically, I guess. There was a time … I was with another SOLDIER. His name was Zack." His voice had gone quiet and strained.

She bit her lip a little. This was something painful and close to his heart. "What happened?"

"He died," Cloud said shortly, pulling away from her a little.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her fingers tightening around him briefly. "I'm sorry, Cloud."

"I want to sleep."

She nodded, sitting up to remove what remained of her clothing. She lay still next to him for several minutes before he settled down against her in his customary position, his arm warm around her waist. She closed her eyes, willing sleep to come to them both. It was too late, the issue was too close to the sex they had just shared. She needed time to think about how to say what she meant to say to him. With her mind busy with these thoughts, she drifted into an uneasy sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Sweetest Downfall

Author: Neldluva NC17 overall

Length: more than 25,000 words and counting … this chapter 2564

Pairings: Cloud/Elena, implied past Cloud/Tifa, one-sided Elena/Tseng, past Zack/Cloud, implied Tseng/Rufus (yes, confusing, I know … most of these pairings don't show up until later, and most are only in passing)

Warnings: explicit heterosexual acts including oral, bondage, whatever other kinky things come into my head; hints of homosexual activity

Summary: Is it really such a bad thing to get involved with someone who was once your enemy? And what if you just can't let go of your past?

Author's note: This is one of my favorite chapters. Cloud is so, so broken.

* * *

Cloud's mind whirled restlessly, his eyes open wide against the darkness. Zack, Zack … why did she have to remind him of Zack? Guilt and confusion twisted in his gut, preventing him from sleep. For one nauseating moment, he was plunged back into the craze that had haunted him when he had believed he was Zack. He clenched his hands into fists and mouthed his name to himself, recalling what he hoped were his own memories. Identity crises such as these didn't happen often, but they always threw his mind for a loop. It took some time before he settled again, only to be thrown off balance again as he was flooded with memories of his time with Zack. He shut his eyes tight, breath hitching against Elena's neck.

It had been a time of unbelievable bliss and incredible confusion. He was a lowly trooper in ShinRa's ranks, prone by personality and disappointment to be sulky and withdrawn. Zack was a bright, energetic force, and Cloud had gravitated toward him almost unconsciously. Zack was the first to be friendly, the first to attempt to bring him out of his shell. On top of it all, he was a SOLDIER First Class, and the epitome of everything Cloud wanted to be. So it started as hero worship, became friendship because Zack was too friendly to let it be anything else, and then…

Hot lips, wet kisses, the wet ground dampening the back of Cloud's uniform. Teeth yanking at gloves and fingers hungry for skin-to-skin contact. Stifled moans, a few quiet sighs, the hiss of a zipper. Cloud was so nervous he was trembling, but wanted it bad enough that it didn't really matter. Zack's larger body pressing him down … no, wait! Improvisation. Gentle touches, butterfly nervousness. Pain, but not too much, never too much. White-hot prickly pleasure, sliding over sweaty skin like needles. The need to be loud battling the need to stay quiet. Hot kisses, sharp teeth, muffled shouts, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. Then, afterward, the sticky pleasant comfortable part, the part that made Cloud's heart pound with something other than exertion and resulted in words that he should have regretted but never took back. Zack's bright smile,_everything will be alright, Sunshine…_

Cloud opened his eyes to the dark room, blinking quickly. Two months. All of the best things in his life condensed into two months. Two months, and then his life had dissolved into hell. First the catastrophe at Nibelheim, then torture at the hands of a madman, then that odd period of unconsciousness … or maybe he had been awake. It had the blurry quality of a dream, but he could remember it so well that he wondered sometimes. From a purely factual sense, he knew that Zack had dragged him along as they escaped from Hojo's lab all the way until they were nearly to Midgar. Zack had then been shot trying to save him, shot down by ShinRa goons. The thing was, Cloud could remember the wind in his hair, the laughing tone of Zack's voice, the bouncing of the truck. He couldn't remember Zack's actual death … that part had faded away and probably fed into his delusions.

He didn't trust his memory very much. It lied, played tricks, made him remember things that were false or forget things that were real. It had been better over the past few years, but anything to do with Zack was all up for grabs. He couldn't even remember if his memories of sex were his own or made up from Zack's stories.

So there he was, breathing the lily scent of a woman who fucked like she knew what she was doing and wore a gun in a thigh holster to a seafood restaurant. This woman was not Zack, and she would never be Zack, and for some reason Cloud felt that it was wrong to be so close to her when he could still hear Zack's voice in his head and feel his hands caress gently. It had been Zack's own request to let him go and get on with his life, but Cloud just couldn't do it.

She sighed and shifted in her sleep, bright hair sliding against her neck. It was sad, really. They got along surprisingly well, and the sex was good. But they had both been right from the start, and it just wouldn't work. Cloud settled down against her, sleeping lightly through the night.

* * *

Elena thumbed through more of ShinRa's files, looking for the SOLDIER that Cloud had called Zack. He wasn't difficult to find – in fact, he was in the Turks' files, right next to Cloud's folder. So she settled down in the archives to read it over.

First Class. Well, she should have expected that. A top SOLDIER, Sephiroth's second-in-command. Cloud sure knew how to pick them. His picture showed a happy young man with dark hair and a face prone to smiling. She smiled back. He must have been nice to know.

And then she read about how he died. He had escaped with Cloud from Hojo's lab and had been making his way to Midgar. The Turks had been sent out to apprehend them. Rude had been in the helicopter that followed the truck. ShinRa had ordered them captured with the addendum to shoot to kill if necessary, and when a Turk gets orders, that Turk follows the orders to the letter. A troop of SOLDIERs had found them after they escaped from the truck. Multiple gunshot wounds at close range with a rifle. Even a SOLDIER First Class, especially one injured with a Turk bullet, wouldn't survive that. No wonder Cloud had been upset … and all of this had happened just before she became a Turk.

"Wow," she said to herself, staring at the folder in her hands. What could she ever say to Cloud? She had left early that morning, not wanting to face him when he woke up. Something had happened the night before, something not good at all. It could be that he wouldn't even want to see her again, and Elena found that she regretted that. They got along better than she would have guessed, and the sex was getting to be very good. But whatever happened had changed their relationship. Either they would part ways and agree not to speak of it again, or they would speak about it and work it out. Speaking about it meant admitting that whatever was going on was beyond "just fucking," and Elena wasn't sure how comfortable she was with that.

"Hey, Lena!"

"Reno!" she said with a gasp, closing the folder and hiding it beneath some others. "What are you doing here?"

"Same thing you are, I bet," he replied, leaning against a bookshelf. "Doing research. Find some good stuff?"

"Yeah, I think so." She stood, brushing off her slacks. "So, uh, I'll see you up with the living?"

"Yeah, later." He smacked her lightly on the ass, she kicked him in the shin, and everything was back to normal.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Sweetest Downfall

Author: Neldluva NC17 overall

Length: more than 25,000 words and counting … this chapter 2564

Pairings: Cloud/Elena, implied past Cloud/Tifa, one-sided Elena/Tseng, past Zack/Cloud, implied Tseng/Rufus (yes, confusing, I know … most of these pairings don't show up until later, and most are only in passing)

Warnings: explicit heterosexual acts including oral, bondage, whatever other kinky things come into my head; hints of homosexual activity

Summary: Is it really such a bad thing to get involved with someone who was once your enemy? And what if you just can't let go of your past?

Author's note: This chapter makes me feel happy and fluffy.

* * *

Elena wasn't surprised when Cloud didn't call that day, or the next day, or the next. She was comfortable, if disappointed, with the fact that he wouldn't want to see her anymore. It avoided awkward confrontation and the chance that things could get more personal than they should. She settled back into the routine of her life, cycling around work and sleep in a pattern that suited her.

So she was surprised when her phone rang a week later, showing the number to be Cloud's. She hopped up from her desk, waving an apology at Tseng for interrupting him, and went out to find a closet where she could have some privacy.

"Hello?"

"Elena?"

"Cloud." She took a deep breath and flicked the light on. "It's been a little while."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So, how's it going? Are you doing okay?"

He paused for a moment before answering. "I think so. I've been thinking a lot. I want to talk with you, if that's okay."

"Yeah, I want to talk with you too."

"Tonight?"

"I'm off at six. We could go grab a bite to eat."

"That sounds perfect." His voice sounded a little relieved through the phone. "I'm sorry I didn't call for a few days."

"Don't worry, I understand." She smiled reassuringly, even though he couldn't see it. "So you'll pick me up at my place?"

"Yeah. I'll see you tonight." There was another brief pause. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," she replied, automatically and honestly before she could stop herself. She shut her eyes, battling confusion. "I'll see you later."

"Bye."

She flipped her phone shut, staring at it for a moment. He'd caught her being honest, and that made her uncomfortable. She wasn't the sort to form attachments or emotions, not unless they were associated with Tseng. She hadn't consciously wanted to miss Cloud … it had just sort of happened. It wasn't something she wanted to ponder. With a quiet sigh, she opened the closet door.

"Oof!" Reno grunted, stumbling back against Rude and rubbing his nose. "Damn, babe, give us a warning."

"Reno!" she exclaimed, glaring at him. "Rude? Were you two listening to me?"

"Well, yeah," Reno said, still rubbing his nose. "You got a call in the middle of the day from someone who wasn't us, and you snuck off to talk in a closet to answer it. That's practically begging us to follow, Lena. So what, you've got a boyfriend?"

Elena cursed her pale complexion as she flushed dark red. Reno was hitting a little too close to the truth with that one. Unfortunately, he spotted her blush and started crowing.

"Lena's got a boyfriend! Rude, who d'you think he is? Some tall, dark, handsome guy? You know how Lena goes for that type…"

"Shut up," she said, shoving at him. "I don't have a boyfriend!"

"Oh yeah?" he countered, that stupid grin still on his face. "Then who were you talking to? I bet you met him in a bar … which bar, Lena?"

"Why, you want to go find yourself a boyfriend?" she snapped back. "Leave me alone, Reno, I'm not in the mood."

"Bitchy," he whined to Rude as she stomped away. "She's no fun to tease when she's on the rag. Hey, Rude, you wanna…"

She shut the door to the office she shared with Tseng, still irritated with Reno. He could be so annoying sometimes, and she was his easiest target. Tseng understood, fortunately, and smiled sympathetically at her from over his computer. She sighed, resting her forehead against her hands for a moment. What was she going to say to Cloud?

* * *

Cloud was waiting for Elena outside her apartment when she returned. He leaned against the wall, hands in his pockets and eyes fixed firmly on the floor in front of him. Elena approached quietly, not wishing to disturb his thoughts.

"Have I kept you waiting long?" she asked softly as she opened the door.

"I don't mind, I was thinking," he replied, his voice distant.

"I thought so," she said, leading the way in. "Here, just let me change and we can leave."

"Do you think we could order in?" Cloud suggested. "I don't really feel like going anywhere."

She looked at him, studying him. "That would be fine. I'd still like to change into more comfortable clothes. You can … um, watch TV or something if you like."

He nodded, and she went back to her room to get out of her suit. She still wasn't quite sure what she wanted to say to him. She didn't know exactly what she had done wrong, except for probing where perhaps it would have been better to stay quiet. She would let him speak first, then, she decided as she pulled on loose sweatpants.

"I hope you don't mind that I ordered already," he said when she came out again. "We're probably both hungry."

"Yeah, thank you." She sat on the couch, folding her legs beneath her and gesturing for him to join her.

He sat down, a thoughtful look still on his face. He allowed some space in between them, so Elena didn't scoot over to touch him. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts, and the last thing she wanted to do was rush him.

"I wasn't angry at you," he said at last, staring at his hands where they rested in his lap. "I wasn't angry at anything you did. If anything, I was angry at myself."

She put what she hoped was an encouraging look on her face. She was more used to interrogating captives, not having people willingly explain their stories to her. It was a nice change, but took a very different mindset.

He sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. "I think it was … what you said. It made me think of him. It's … still very difficult to do that."

"You loved him?" she asked curiously.

"I think I did." Cloud crossed his arms over his chest, frowning a little. "My memory still isn't very reliable when it comes to Zack, but I think I did. That must be why it's so difficult to think of him."

"I found his file a few days ago. It sounds like he was very nice."

A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. "Nice doesn't cover it. He was the friendliest guy I've ever met. Probably better for me, I was so reclusive."

"Was?" she asked jokingly, raising her eyebrow. She touched his shoulder lightly. "I really am sorry not to have known him. He must have meant a lot to you."

Cloud sighed, glancing briefly at her. "Yeah. You could say that."

"And I'm sorry to have reminded you of him."

"Don't be sorry about that." He really looked at her this time, eyes narrowed seriously. "It was my fault. It might sound sort of crazy, but…"

The doorbell rang and Elena winced. "I'll get it. It's the food, I bet. Sit here."

She rose and opened the door, paying for the food and leaving a nice tip. She handed the bag over to Cloud and got them some silverware, returning to her seat and picking up a box.

"So what's crazy?" she asked between bites of her rice. "You started saying how something was crazy…"

"It's nothing," Cloud said quickly, shifting in his seat. "Nothing important."

"No, I'm curious now. Will you tell me?"

Cloud frowned a little more, and Elena sighed, resigning herself to not hearing the story. She was surprised when Cloud spoke again.

"I see him sometimes. Zack, I mean. He visits me."

It was Elena's turn to frown in confusion. "What?"

"He visits me. For some reason, I have some kind of connection with the Lifestream. So he comes to see me sometimes if he thinks I need him. He came to see me after I first saw you." He poked at his food. "I told you it sounds crazy."

Elena thought for a while, looking away from Cloud. "You know … it isn't that crazy," she said at last. "I think my sister does it too. I don't know, I sometimes wake up and feel like I've dreamed about asking her for advice. It's always really hazy and I can never remember it for more than an hour or two, but maybe she's visiting me from the Lifestream."

Cloud nodded, smiling a little at her. "Maybe she is. Nice to know you're being looked after, isn't it?"

Elena nodded back, still thinking. "So, what did Zack say about me?"

"That I should forget about our past and the fact that you work for ShinRa. That I should get over him. That you were lonely."

"Lonely?" she asked, puzzled. "I'm not lonely … I have my job and the Turks. I don't need anyone else."

"You're getting awfully close to me for someone who doesn't need anyone else." He looked straight at her again, his gaze still serious. "Something has changed here, hasn't it?"

"Cloud…" she said helplessly, staring at her food. "I don't know."

"It feels strange."

"Yes. I don't know. So much has changed. I thought you wouldn't want to see me again, and I didn't know what to think about it, but I was so happy when you called…" She shook her head. "I still don't know. I haven't done this before."

"Done what?"

"It's looking more and more like a relationship, Cloud. If we don't stop it soon, we won't be able to."

"You want to stop?"

She looked at him again. He had a worried expression on his face. "I feel like I should," she said quietly. "You're Cloud Strife. It's not like that will go over too well at the office. And who knows where a relationship would take us."

"We could try, just like we did when I wanted a second date. I don't even know if it could be a real relationship – I'm probably not capable of that anymore. But if it's a choice between taking another step and just dropping this entirely, then I would choose this."

"You mean that, don't you?" she asked quietly. "You would really rather have me than be alone?"

He nodded, and she saw him blushing slightly. "I'm tired of being alone," he said. "Zack was right. I've been lonely. I don't want to have to return to the church and stare at the ceiling all night."

Elena chewed her lip. Despite what she had said, she couldn't help feeling lonely as well. The Turks were good company, but they weren't around all the time, and thinking about Tseng just made her feel empty. If it was a choice between Cloud and a long night thinking about the man she loved … well, that was a tougher decision.

"You can't expect anything from me," she told him. "I'm a Turk. The job always comes first. And you will have to give me space if I ask for it. If we call it off, I promise I will shoot you if you overstay your welcome."

Cloud nodded in understanding. "I had expected nothing more. I feel the same way."

"Good. And remember, this isn't a real relationship. If you try to get romantic on me, I'll end it. We won't get personal at all. Got it?"

"Yes," Cloud agreed. "I would also feel uncomfortable if we became too romantic."

Elena nodded, still a little uncomfortable with the situation. She had had boyfriends before, but they had never been anything official, and she had always ended it before they had gotten romantic notions. Cloud didn't seem to want any of that, so she figured it was still okay if she harbored her infatuation with Tseng. She would just have to keep this new development a secret from her coworkers.

To her surprise, Cloud scooted closer and put a hand around her shoulders. "Is this okay?" he asked quietly.

"I think so…" she replied, remaining stiff for a moment before relaxing. There was something comfortable about all this. Cloud would make no untoward demands of her, and it would all be free and easy. And if Tseng were to make a move, well, keeping it casual would allow both of them to let go. Cloud seemed to understand this.

He kissed her cheek and ran his fingers through her hair, and she rested her head on his shoulder with a sigh. "Do you want to stay tonight?" she asked. "We won't be able to do much, I'm on my period, but I think I'd like your company."

"I wouldn't mind at all." His fingers stroked down her arm. "It's nice just like this."

"Yeah." She tucked her nose against his sweater. He smelled fresh and clean and a little like rain, but mostly of the metal that made up his sword. It was a comfortable moment, so she enjoyed it.


	9. Chapter 9

Cloud sighed into his drink

Title: Sweetest Downfall

Author: Neldluva ()

Rating: NC17 overall

Length: more than 25,000 words and counting … this chapter 571

Pairings: Cloud/Elena, implied past Cloud/Tifa, one-sided Elena/Tseng, past Zack/Cloud, implied Tseng/Rufus (yes, confusing, I know … most of these pairings don't show up until later, and most are only in passing)

Warnings: explicit heterosexual acts including oral, bondage, whatever other kinky things come into my head; hints of homosexual activity

Summary: Is it really such a bad thing to get involved with someone who was once your enemy? And what if you just can't let go of your past?

Author's note: Sorry for the delay. I meant to post this ages ago, but school got in the way. Now I'm procrastinating, so it's all good!

* * *

"Sir?"

"Yes, Tseng?" Rufus ShinRa spun around in his chair, facing his senior Turk. "What warrants this unexpected visit?"

"It's Elena, sir," Tseng said, no emotion showing on his face. "There has been a rumor, probably generated by Reno, that Elena has a boyfriend. I discounted it at first because of Reno's propensity for … enlarging the truth, but I have noticed certain changes in her character over the past few weeks."

"And?"

"Permission to perform surveillance, sir."

Rufus raised an eyebrow. "You want to perform surveillance on your own partner, Tseng? How devious. Why not just ask her?"

"I feel that her … feelings for me would prevent her from an honest answer, sir. It would be a low-level surveillance job, mostly to indulge my own curiosity and make sure that she isn't in some sort of trouble."

Rufus stroked his chin for a moment, thinking. At last, he nodded. "Permission granted. I will be just as curious as you are to find out about this mystery man. Be sure to report your findings to me."

Tseng nodded and bowed briefly. "Sir."

* * *

A few nights later, Tseng made himself comfortable on the rooftop of a building near Elena's apartment. Dressed in black and with his hair tied back for once, he was invisible in the darkness. With his camera pressed to his eye, he kept a sharp lookout on Elena's apartment. It wasn't until a little after eight that the lights flickered on and he saw movement.

He zoomed the camera in more, trying to get a good look at whoever Elena was with. He got a good shot of her laughing face and the man's dark clothing before they moved away from his view.

They appeared in another window, but once more the man's back was to Tseng. He saw bright blond hair, as pale as Elena's, as she ran her fingers through it. It stuck out in spikes that were familiar … but no, that was impossible. Tseng shifted, finding a more comfortable position and redirecting his camera.

They had turned again, and he would be able to get a decent shot at the man's face if Elena's head wasn't blocking the way. He sighed to himself and took a few more pictures. At last, Elena seemed to be moving … but it was just to take the man's shirt off, which again obscured his face.

Now things were getting uncomfortable. He didn't want to watch Elena having sex … it reminded him a little too much what had happened at the North Cave. Seeing her naked in the locker room occasionally was one thing, but this was something totally different. He pressed down bad memories and looked through his camera again. Once more Elena's head blocked his view, but soon enough she started sliding down.

Tseng gaped, pulling away from the camera for a moment before looking again. He had been right. That familiar head of spiky hair belonged to Cloud Strife. Cloud Strife was the man Elena was seeing. He was shocked and almost dropped the camera. Of all the people he had imagined Elena with, Strife had been at the bottom of the list. He was too startled to form any sort of coherent opinion on the matter, so he snapped a few more pictures for the sake of it and left as quickly as he could. How would Rufus react to this development?


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Sweetest Downfall

Author: Neldluva

Rating: NC17 overall

Length: more than 25,000 words and counting … this chapter 1233

Pairings: Cloud/Elena, implied past Cloud/Tifa, one-sided Elena/Tseng, past Zack/Cloud, implied Tseng/Rufus (yes, confusing, I know … most of these pairings don't show up until later, and most are only in passing)

Warnings: explicit heterosexual acts including oral, bondage, whatever other kinky things come into my head; hints of homosexual activity, mentions of rape, torture, physical abuse

Summary: Is it really such a bad thing to get involved with someone who was once your enemy? And what if you just can't let go of your past?

Author's note: Again, I apologize for taking so long to post. I really have no excuse. Hopefully all of my new watchers and avid readers enjoy these upcoming chapters. Just a warning: they're going to get dark and scary. Look out.

* * *

Elena arched her back a little, moaning as she felt Cloud hit a particularly good spot inside her. He moaned in response, and she felt him speed the pace. She gripped the sheet, gasping for air, as he leaned over her back to hold her closer.

"Cloud," she murmured, pressing back against him. He remained quiet, as usual, but held tighter to her hips. Her arms shook from supporting both their weight, so she pressed up against his chest and sat back against him.

He groaned, nibbling the back of her neck and reaching around to squeeze her breasts. She gasped, arching harder and sitting down faster. She clung to him with one hand and moved the other down to stroke herself, feeling her orgasm inch closer.

"Cloud!" she cried again, more imperatively, and shut her eyes as she came. Cloud's teeth dug harder against her neck and he thrust strongly, pulling her tight against him as his orgasm hit as well.

They stayed as they were, Cloud settled back on his haunches and Elena basically in his lap, just trying to breathe normally again. At last he lowered them down to the bed and pulled out, curling up behind her in his customary position. He blinked, dimly surprised when she turned around and wrapped her arms around him.

"Very nice," she whispered with a smile. She pulled him into a slow, lazy kiss, twining her fingers around his hair. "Very nice indeed, Cloud."

"Hmm," he replied, agreeing with her. His fingers rested on her lower back, tracing over the small scorpion she had tattooed there. She'd told him its story about a week ago when he first found it – a drunken mistake, she'd called it, from back when she was just barely legal, and she didn't care enough to get it removed. He liked it.

He slid his hand a little further up. The smoothness of her skin was broken frequently by the patches of scars. She'd explained those too, those times when the materia hadn't been right at hand or hadn't been strong enough to remove the scar. She didn't mind those either. Except for that one just to the right of her spine … she shivered when his fingers brushed it and her hands tightened in his hair.

"This one looks like it was serious," he'd said when he found it one night after sex.

She had frowned and sat up, turning away from him. "I don't want to talk about that one."

"Elena?" He'd come up behind her, easing an arm around her shoulders.

She had shivered and kept her face turned away. "It was the Remnants. In the North Cave. The one with the gun."

Cloud remembered the gun well, just as he remembered the Remnants. He could remember hearing Vincent speak about rescuing Tseng and Elena from their clutches, but he hadn't realized the impact.

"It was like hell," she had continued, her voice distant. "For days … and it was cold. I've been trained to withstand torture, but it nearly broke me, Cloud."

"They were cruel," he had agreed. "Cruel like Sephiroth was."

"Sephiroth never raped me," she had whispered, pulling away from him more. "Sephiroth never threatened to cut me but leave me alive and able to speak. Sephiroth never made me watch as Tseng…" Her voice had trailed off, and Cloud had noticed tears on her face.

"I'm sorry" would have fallen flat, so he had remained silent. She had kept several inches between them that night, though her body trembled with pain and suppressed emotion.

Cloud was glad she was letting him close this time without pushing away. He had noticed more scars on her inner thighs and buttocks upon further inspection, all of which had inspired pain for him as well. He wanted to help her, but there was still a great deal that they both kept from each other.

"Elena," he whispered, fingertips still grazing the ragged circular outline of the scar.

"Yes?" she whispered back, her slender body relaxed in his arms. He knew she had the next day off from work, so there was no need to let her sleep immediately.

"What happened at the North Cave?" he asked as gently as he could.

As expected, she went immediately tense, and she pressed one hand flat against his chest. "No … Cloud…"

"I want to help. I don't mean to make you remember, and I want to help you forget. Will you let me do that?"

"I don't want you to know." She twisted her face towards the pillow, using her hair to hide from him. "I don't want to look at you if you know what happened."

"It won't change anything. The rape wasn't…"

"If it were just rape, don't you think I would have dealt with it myself?" She looked at him again, eyes sharp and cold like gunmetal. "Yes, I was raped, okay? They never healed us more than it took to keep us alive and conscious, so I was awake. And it was horrible, but do you know what was worse? They made Tseng _watch_. I wanted to die, they made him watch…"

She shook a little, and Cloud's hand smoothed up her back.

"I couldn't look at him for months," she continued, her voice shaking slightly. "He's my partner and my friend and I love him, but I couldn't meet his eyes because every time I did, I saw him watching what they did to me. He felt the same because they made me watch when they did things to him. Three years, Cloud, and I can still see it happening when I close my eyes sometimes."

He sighed and rubbed her back comfortingly. "It must have been horrible."

"I would have died if it hadn't been for Valentine. Reno helped too. It took a long time before I was myself again."

"Yes, Vincent told me how he found you and Tseng."

She nodded slightly, shutting her eyes. "I would have told them where Mother was, if I knew. I would have done anything to stop what they did. I would have told them whatever they wanted if they just stopped. But after a while, they didn't even care that we didn't know. So you were wrong. Sephiroth was less cruel. He would have killed us as soon as he knew we were useless. The Remnants tortured us for fun."

"I didn't know," he said, feeling helpless in the face of her pain. He could barely deal with his own demons – how was he supposed to help with hers?

"It's … nothing important, Cloud. It will just take some time to heal. I'm already better than I was three years ago."

"It is important," Cloud protested. "It isn't something I can ignore."

"But I have to, Cloud. I have to try and forget or I won't be able to live my life." She reached up, brushing some hair out of his eyes. "You do help me to forget. You're nothing like them. That helps."

He nodded and held her tighter. "Then I will help all that I can."

She smiled slightly and touched his cheek. "No more tonight. I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow."

"Yes. Sleep. I'll stay close." He kept his promise, staying close and stroking her back. It took a long time, but at last her breathing evened out into the cadence of sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Sweetest Downfall

Author: Neldluva

Rating: NC17 overall

Length: more than 25,000 words and counting … this chapter = 1933

Pairings: Cloud/Elena, implied past Cloud/Tifa, one-sided Elena/Tseng, past Zack/Cloud, implied Tseng/Rufus (yes, confusing, I know … most of these pairings don't show up until later, and most are only in passing)

Warnings: explicit heterosexual acts including oral, bondage, whatever other kinky things come into my head; hints of homosexual activity, mentions of rape, torture, physical abuse

Summary: Is it really such a bad thing to get involved with someone who was once your enemy? And what if you just can't let go of your past?

Author's note: Well, you guys should be used by now to me taking forever to update. Still, sorry. It isn't nice of me to keep you waiting.

_**Important Warning**_: This chapter contains _**extreme violence**_, _**rape**_, some _**mutilation**_, and _**attempted suicide**_. If you are uncomfortable with any of the above, please skip this chapter!

* * *

Elena woke from heavy unconsciousness with the force of her shivers. She was cold, so cold, colder than she had ever been before. She fought the muscle spasms, trying to remain still. The sharp immediacy of the wound in her stomach reminded her of exactly what trouble she was in. The wound had been healed, but crudely and only far enough to keep her from bleeding out. She was in no state to escape quickly.

"Kadaj, the girl is awake."

She bit her tongue, swallowing a cry of pain when a strong gloved hand wrenched her head back by her hair. Something colder than the weather settled icily in her gut … silver hair, glowing green cat eyes, just like Sephiroth. But Sephiroth was dead, who were these…

"Elena."

Tseng's voice. She searched for him, saw him lying a few feet away. His hands were bound as hers were, his face a mass of bruises and drying blood. His nose was broken. She could have wept at the sight. There was fear in his eyes, fear for the both of them. He told her silently to stay strong and stay alive, and she nodded slightly.

"Where is Mother?"

"I told you, we don't…" The rest of Tseng's answer was cut off when one of them kicked him in the stomach and he curled up, gasping.

"Maybe the girl knows." Her head was wrenched in another direction, and she winced with pain. Glowing eyes met her own. "Where is Mother?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she hissed, defiant but honest. Who was Mother?

"She doesn't know," Tseng gasped when he found his voice again. "I promise, she doesn't know. Don't hurt her."

Two of the men looked at each other, sharing silent words just like she did with Tseng. She shivered more under their gaze and twisted her wrists slightly. The rope was tight, but there was a chance she could maneuver enough to get the knife in her boot, providing they hadn't found it. Whatever they were planning, she wasn't about to give in to it without a fight.

Somehow, she wasn't surprised when she felt their strong hands rip at her clothes. She twisted and struggled, ignoring the twinges of pain from her stomach wound and Tseng's sounds of protest. If he didn't shut the fuck up, then they would be in an even worse position. Every moment he spent trying to dissuade them he was just convincing them that she was something important.

One of them grabbed her chin and forced her into a kiss, but she snarled and bit until she tasted blood. Another pair of hands tore at her bloodstained shirt, fingers poking cruelly at her wound until she cried out with the pain.

"Where is Mother?" they asked again, unhooking her belt and yanking her pants down.

"Fuck you," she retorted. "You won't get anything out of either of us."

"Elena…" she heard Tseng say.

"Don't tell them," she said, glancing at him and trying to ignore their cold searching fingers. "Even if you know anything, don't tell them…"

She squeezed her eyes shut, teeth digging into her cheek and fingernails digging into her palms. She hadn't been prepared for the pain, and it took several moments before she could compartmentalize it and start ignoring it. She pushed it to the back of her thoughts and steadied herself for what was to come. He was holding her thighs tight enough to bruise, spreading her apart so she wouldn't be able to fight him. She mustered her courage and glared up at him, still defiant.

"You think you will escape, don't you?" a silky voice purred in her ear, a hand squeezing at her breast through her bra and a solid body supporting her against the other's thrusting. "You think there will be enough of you left to use that pretty little gun and that shiny little knife? You think you will be able to exact your revenge."

She hissed quietly, trying to close her legs as fresh tissue ripped. It was more difficult to ignore the pain with that voice in her ear.

"You don't seem to understand," the one behind her continued, giving another vicious squeeze. "You will give us what we want to know. Or perhaps you won't. But we will continue to use you until there is nothing left to use, and then we will kill you. If you tell us what we want, we might kill you quickly. Do you understand now?"

"Fuck you," she said again, though this time the words were weak with pain. "Do what you want, you won't get anything."

"Make sure the man can see," the voice directed, and Elena watched with terrified eyes as Tseng was brought close enough that she could smell his blood over the scent of her own. He tried to look away, but one of the Remnants grabbed his hair and forced him to watch. His eyes were wide and full of fear and apology. She shook her head a little … it wasn't his fault.

"Feeling more talkative now?" one of them said in Tseng's ear. "It looks like she isn't having a very nice time … my brother can be a little rough with his toys."

"Tseng," she said quietly, trying to remind him to be quiet. She could take it. It humiliated her to have him see her in this position, but she could take it.

"We don't know anything," Tseng repeated, watching anything but her face. "It doesn't matter what you do, we don't have any information for you."

"Too bad, then. Oh well, perhaps you can provide some entertainment. You're being too gentle on her, Loz."

Elena clenched her teeth, feeling her fingernails bite into her palms again as the one above her moved harder. He kept it up until she cried out with the pain of it. She heard Tseng make a sound of protest and the corresponding cracking sound of breaking bones. She dared not look at him again, not after this.

The one above her growled, raking his hands down her sides and thrusting harder until he came. Elena winced, her abused insides protesting and stinging. They dropped her to the ground, still panting and bleeding and trying to retreat from the pain. She saw a glow and felt the warm healing presence of materia taking care of the worst damage, starting to breathe a little easier until she heard more movement and Tseng's pained voice.

"No!" she shouted, trying to pick herself up when she saw them crouched over Tseng. She could barely see him between them, but she could hear enough muffled noise to know that he was in pain and angry. She twisted as much as she could, biting back the pain shooting up through her abdomen.

"Elena, don't –" She caught a flash of his dark eyes before his voice was cut off. Her eyes opened wide in horror. They had his shirt off and were cutting long, neat lines up his arms and down his chest with what she realized was her own knife.

"Tseng," she whispered.

"Yazoo, the girl."

Elena gasped as someone pulled her hair again and probed at the tender flesh between her thighs. "Get the fuck off of me," she spat, trying to kick at him.

He put a knife to her throat, drawing a thin line of blood that he licked away. "You are an interesting pet. I shall enjoy breaking you."

She hissed in renewed pain as he forced her thighs open and fought his way into her, still lapping at the bleeding slice on her neck. She struggled as best she could, trying to dig her feet into the ground and buck him off, but he was too strong and fast to allow any of this.

It took several hours before she stopped fighting. She guessed that she looked as bad as Tseng did by that point, bruised and cut and broken. At one point, she had felt something in her collarbone crack with a nauseating wave of pain, and from that point any movement made the broken bones grate with a reminder of the pain. Her lips were torn and bloody, she had a large bruise over one cheek and eye, and the insides of her thighs and the skin of her buttocks had been viciously slashed. Always they healed her just enough to keep her from dying or losing consciousness, but she couldn't take it anymore. One of them started moving over her again, and she could only lay limply on the ground and hope that it was over soon.

At last the Remnants left on some business, leaving them broken and unable to escape on the forest floor. Elena didn't try to make conversation; she had seen them break Tseng's jaw, and he had to be suffering from blood loss from the cuts and gunshot wounds. What could they talk about anyway? They had both been fucked … mentally, physically, emotionally. They both knew they would probably die before long, it was just a matter of how long the Remnants were interested in keeping them alive.

She wasn't much aware of the passage of time, though she was fairly sure they had continued to return over the course of several days to continue with their torture. She and Tseng had long since proven that even if they knew anything about the Mother they asked about, they weren't about to talk. All torture was now purely for the Remnants' twisted pleasure. The entire thing made her nauseous, and not just from the pain.

She had been in the half-unconscious state that counted for sleep when Valentine had swooped in and rescued them both. He had taken them to safety and healed them as best he could with what he had. Though Elena had slowly regained her voice, she didn't speak to them. What was there to say? She still couldn't look at Tseng without seeing his torture and seeing him watch her own torture. At one point, she stole one of Valentine's guns and stuck it in her mouth, ready to swallow a bullet until his strong hands had wrenched it from hers. It had taken a spell to sedate her.

They arrived back in Midgar only just in time to rescue Rufus from his suicidal tumble. They were both still in pain and healing, but as Turks, the job always came first. She avoided her coworkers' eyes as they stood around Rufus, watching the rain cure him of Geostigma. If only her own pains could be so easily erased.


End file.
